I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
