i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
