I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
