he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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