Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
