batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
