just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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