onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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