My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
