oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
