I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
