She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
