Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
