"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
