I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
