they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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