Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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