She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there's paper in my vomit.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
why do cheetos always look like penises
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
