Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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