Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
