Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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