he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
