I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
