Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
