If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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