It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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