Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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