Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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