The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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