i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
