the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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