i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
