Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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