Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
