Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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