Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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