I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
