I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
