If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
