The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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