So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
