if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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