Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
