Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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