Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
