I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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