God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
