just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
