I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
