Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
