Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
