Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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