where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
