I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
