Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
