I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
