So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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