Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
