when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
