I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
