Too much gin, very little bucket
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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