Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
