It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is the high leading the old right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
