omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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