my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When did angry sex become our thing?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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