Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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