hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
