Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
