when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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