He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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