I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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