Non-Jews are for practice
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
