My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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