Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
