I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
