So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
