i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
