Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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